the original post can be found here
Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: magnolia soundtrack
last night we drove down to see christophers dad in the hospital again… i sure hope that he gets out of there soon because it is not some place that is uplifting…
that is not the part that has been so bad… i can handle hospitals alright and all that, but i can not handle very well being away from my husband for long periods of time…
i know that what he is doing is the right thing and i would not want him to be away from his father by any means… i want him to help in any way possible… i am just having a hard time with it because in 8 years of marraige, we have only been away from each other for a couple days and that was hard… this is not only for a few days but for a few weeks a least… i know that if it was my father than i would want to be doing the same thing…
i drove home this morning alone and have been thinking about it every waking moment today… i even tried to get out of the house for a couple hours and tried to go shopping for a couple things and was not feeling my best and eventually came back home…
i called and talked to my work this afternoon since i have been missing some of my training… they said that i would need to call them on sunday sometime and we would figure out how all this works…
this makes me feel bad because i feel like i could have had more time, but i also understand because i did not want to make anyone uncomfortabe by being at the hospital too…
i just do not feel like i can be any help there or here right now… i am going to finish doing some things to the apartment tonight and then see what i feel like doing from there…
i also called my parents and talked to both of them and one of my brothers… that was alright… my brother said that he would come out for avisit if i wanted him too… that would be kinda weird but i told him that would let him know if i felt that i needed that…
and so, now i am sitting here… kinda depressed because i do not feel like i am any good for anyone right now… i can not work to make some money, and i can not be near my husband…
i know that i would like to do some things with the apartment since we are still living out of boxes but i do not think that i am feeling particularly decorative at the moment…
i might just lay down on the couch and watch a movie… i do not feel much like laying in bed… and the house has been particularly cold tonight and i can maybe lay near the fireplace…
well, i think i will feel better tomorrow because this is going to be the first night and they are always the hardest to get through…
i think that things will get easier…
i sure hope so because right now, this really sucks…