Current Mood: pleased
Current Music: npr
it is weird to look back at some of the things that have happened in the last couple of years…
this is a post that i made to one of my groups about the day i got my nipple pierced… it is still there but has gone through some changes since that fateful day a little over 2 years ago…
i took it out once for a couple days and it partially closed up so i had to force a smaller ring through it and now it is a 16 gauge instead of 14… i will NEVER do that again…
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(i posted it again 1 year later with this addition…
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it explains everything in full detail… i have since changed the jewelry and now wear a 1/2″ captive ring rather than the original 3/4″ captive ring i was pierced with… i still love it as much as i did the day i got it done and probably more… i could not do it again but am so pleased that i did do it… it is something that i feel i earn the right to wear everyday… it has become so much a part of me and who i am…
so, here is the original post…
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last night i went and got one of my nipples pierced… it hurt sooooo much… i do not get tattoos or piercings… this is all new to me… i am a pretty boring girl… i had thought about this for a long time and last night was the right time to do it… i do not ‘get off on pain’ of any sort, or to any extent… suffice it to say, pain is my enemy… for me it is (to paraphrase Screwtape) “horrible to anticipate, horrible to endure, horrible to remember”… or, more to the point, to quote Stu Redman from ‘The Stand’, “i’m a real baby when it comes to pain”…
well, here’s how it went…
christopher and i went out to fort worth last night and were just driving around not doing much, just looking to get out of the house… we were heading back home after just driving around for awhile and we had been talking about me getting it pierced for awhile…
so, i looked in the phone book and called a place that i knew of that was not far from the house… it was also highly suggested from friends that i have that have gone there before… i had only ever been to the gauntlet in hollywood… but not for me… i called them and asked to speak to the piercer… his name was paul and i let him know that i had plenty of questions for him before i was going to make this huge step…
i asked him what gauge will the piercing be, how long will it take to heal, how long before i can change the jewelry, can i have it pierced in the exact place that i wanted it to be, etc…
so after he had answered all my questions (i even called a second time with more questions i had thought of) and i felt comfortable talking to him about this, we jumped in the car and drove over to the shop…
we walked in and walked back to the piercing room… paul was a huge guy with a long goatee and, as we later found out, 9 pins in his hip… he looked kinda scary, but growing up in california and spending alot of time in clubs i was very used to seeing ‘freaks’…
we looked at the jewelry that was in the display cases and did not see that many options but found a few that we liked… by the time that we got there we had a few more questions to ask and he answered them very politely and even remembered a few questions that i had asked and he elaborated more on them when we got there…
we looked through a photo album of pictures of people’s piercings and one really made me uncomfortable… there was this big guy wincing in pain while having his nipples done (both at once)… paul said, ‘ah, he is a big wimp, it isn’t that bad…’ this really did not help me feel any less uneasy…
he stood there while we talked and he pulled out the available jewelry… we could go with either a barbell or a captive (it is a ring with a small piece missing out of it… where the piece is missing is a ball… the ball is held in by pressure… the ball is at the bottom and the ring is what goes through the actual piercing…)… i decided to go with the captive, even though it was a much larger size than i was hoping for… it is a 3/4 inch ring around…
then it was time to fill all the paperwork out and then on to the event itself…
the room was very open and the only bad thing was that christopher was unable to be right next to me to hold my hand… he had to stand 10 feet away from me… sitting in the corner was the baby blue doctor’s chair… this was the place i would sit and have this pain that i would have to endure… i am not one that is into pain, but i have been thinking and wanting this for so long and i have come to this point and there was no turning back…
i went and kissed christopher like it was the last kiss that we are ever going to share again, i felt like i could die sitting in the chair…
my feet started to kick nervously and my hands started to sweat and i got cold and clammy…
he walked over and got all the things on a tray that were going to do this to my body… there i sat awaiting my fate… everything was metal and so medieval looking… a HUGE needle, a metal ring with a ball, a monstrous clamp, some cleaning materials, and the latex gloves… i thought was going to pass out before it had even started…
christopher tried to keep eye contact with me supportively, while i felt like he was a million miles away, my only source of comfort i could not reach… he talked to me while he started to get everything in place…
it was almost time…
he started to put the lubricant on the needle and i had to close my eyes… i am deathly afraid of needles as it is… i started to ask myself, why am i here… what am i doing… are you crazy girl… i was a mess…
as soon as the needle was seen by me it was time to close my eyes… i could look no longer… then the time grew nearer with each passing moment… i felt the antiseptics on my skin and then the two dots were placed… then he started to tell me everything that he was doing… he put the clamp on and i jumped… then i squeezed my eyes so tight i thought i will never open them again…
then he did it to me…
the needle touched my skin and i screamed… i felt like i was about to die but christopher said that there was no sound that came out… my silent scream…
then the jewelry had to go in and the ball placed last…
seriously, reach up and twist your nipple as hard as you can… i tried it myself out of curiosity, i could make some very uncomfortable sensations but you can not even come close to approximating the excruciating searing pain focused on such a tiny area and it seemed to go on a long time… between the clamp and the needle and ‘now i am going to put the jewelry in’, i doubt more than ten seconds passed for the entire operation and while i will not say that it was an eternity, it was horrific, i had changed my mind instantly as soon as he put the clamp on… i had plenty of time to hate my decision for each painful step…
the faintness that had been coursing through me was now nearly overwhelming… the palms of my hands were soaked…
he told me that it was all done and i could get up and leave at anytime… i could not even open my eyes yet…
i was unable to open my eyes for a minute or so… christopher started to call over to me to open my eyes and i slowly opened one and told him that i can’t look…
i finally opened my eyes and looked down… it looked HUGE… it was swollen but no blood… it was hurting like i had never felt before… but it was more of a burning pain than anything else…
i was done and i now have a hole in my nipple with a
ring through it… this was the strangest feeling i have ever had…
i have to say… paul holds a very special place in my heart… he just put a hole in my body and i paid for this service of his, and gave him a ten dollar tip… how very odd…
i felt very shaky and after a couple minutes christopher and i walked out to the car hand in hand… one of us with one more hole in their body…
we sat out in the car and my right arm was feeling numb… i did not think that i was going to be able to drive…
we drove towards home but had to make some stops along the way… i had to go to the grocery store to get some medical supplies for the LONG LONG healing process that now awaits me…
at the store we bought a large bottle of liquid dial (to clean the piercing) some ibuprofen (to kill the pain), some zinc tablets (to help the healing process go quicker), and a new bracelet (been buying some new bracelets recently, trying to make myself more girlie or something)… kind of ironic, i just put a hole in my body and i am trying to look more girlie…
after we left the grocery store it was time togo show this off… we headed up to my work (i work at a 24 hour call center and i used to work the 4pm shift and now i work the 3am shift, so i knew who was going to be there)…
melissa was the first one to see and she was shocked and asked how i felt… then it was up to the center itself… with christopher by my side, we walked in through the security doors into the offices…
we were upstairs and i was looking for a few people inparticular, they were both gone at the time on break… so downstairs we headed… we got close to the door before going downstairs and ran into one of them…
nikki… she had the face that i wish i had on tape… i did not tell her anythig except for…. wait one sec, i have to show you something… i started to unbotton my shirt and i thought that she was going to die…
she threw her hands to her face and cried ‘oh my god!!! what did you do to yourself? i can’t believe you just went out and did that…’ it made me feel exhilirated, showing her what i had just done… it was perfect…
angela was downstairs in the smoking room so we went to go talk to her next… she was in the room all by herslef talking on her cell phone to her new husband… she got married a couple monhs ago is all…
as she was getting off the phone i started unbuttoning my shirt not saying anything… she asked me what i was doing and i showed her… she gasped and clutched her chest.. OUCH!!!! how could you do that?
then it was time to go home for a little while bfore i had to go back up there to pick up a friend from work… i got home and could not move.. i popped multiple pills and felt like i was going to die… i got to work again and she was waiting outside… i wanted to go back upstairs to show the midnight crew… only one guy that i really talk to all that much was there… we pulled him away from his computer and told him nothing… he seemed confused and perplexed having no idea what was about to happen…
we walked towards the door to our department and i unbuttoned my shirt again and showed him… he grabbed his chest and said ‘my god that hurts me to look at… when i got my tongue pierced i thought it would be bad but that just hurts to look at…’ he stood there with his hands to his chest and we kind of laughed…
it was then time to go home and try to get some sleep…
do not get me wrong…
during all of this i have been very confident with my decision… this is something i have thought about and wanted for a very long time… so, even at times when i describe myself as miserable, i have been very pleased at every step of the way, aside from those few minor shrieks during the actual procedure… and even that passed as soon as it was over, because i knew that it was over… all that awaited me now was the LONG 6-9 months of recovery… and i was just reading someone elses first hand account of their experience, where they had no problems for 7 years and had to take them out because they started ‘migrating’ (where the body rejects and tries to push out the foreign object)…
so, i don’t know what kind of care this will entail as the years go on… but today is day 1 of recovery…
i had to bandage myself up last night and went right to sleep without any problems… christopher now has to sleep on my left side, the first time in over 6 years… we have always sat this way, slept this way, everything this way… this was something that both of us are going to have to adjust to…
i woke up this morning with one tiny dot of blood on the tissue that overlayed my new piercing and swollen nipple…
it was time to do some cleaning and take the first shower… i layed in bed and took all the necessary pills to make it through the day… i also had christopher get me a saline bath… it is when you have 8 ounces of water and a quarter teaspoon of salt…
the water is warm and the salt helps lift away any ‘crusties’ as they call them, dried blood on the skin and jewelry… (ewwwww….) this felt rather nice shockingly… the shower and the first cleaning was to come soon…
i stepped into the shower this morning and was very nervous about cleaning it for the first time.. i have to run warm water over it but not directly… i then have to make sure that my hands had been washed with the liquid dial soap before ever touching it once… i washed my hands and lathered up so i could now clean it… i put the soap all over my breast and the jewelry… it was now time to turn the ring from one side of the bead to the other… they tell you to do this for at least 15 seconds and leave the soap on for 3 minutes and then rinse…
this went much easier than i had expected… the ring moved quite smoothly and with less pain than i had expected to endure… i have not taken any more advils today… i rinsed it off very well, never touching it without washing my hands first… i have had two saline baths and now it is nearing the end of the night and almost time to clean it once again… a process that i am going to be well aquainted with over the next 6 months, at least… i still can not get over it… it fet like this was all a dream that i was having and i would wake up this morning and look down and it was all back to normal… but i was pleasantly surprised to see that it was still there…
but today, i feel something that i have never felt before…
anybody who can afford a dimaond ring can wear a diamond ring… i EARN this piece of jewelry everyday…
i think i can see a little bit now, where people with tattoos and piercings, and body modifications of any kind find their pride…
i don’t think i will ever feel the need or desire to have another one… but i think i understand a little of what they feel…
as i sit here and type i can feel it move… a little jiggle… not like a necklace moves, more like an earring moves, but, an all new sensation… an alien sensation… but, more like the feeling of silk on your body… not a caress in this case, yet, a tactile compliment just the same…
it makes me feel pretty…
and that is the point…